“I like to think of myself as a cross between George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Harry Truman, and my fellow Texan, LBJ, since their wartime approval ratings were almost as bad as mine.”

[President George W. Bush, speaking on President’s Day from Mount Vernon, where he unveiled plans for the nine-trillion-dollar monument to himself — the largest man-made object on Earth, visible to the naked eye from the Moon. Halliburton has been awarded a no-bid contract for twice the anticipated cost, to allow for overrides and cash bonuses for former CEOs.

Details are “top secret,” but Bush did say that Social Security and Medicare would “have to go” in order to finance the monument, which will take a decade to complete — “just about the time I retire from the Oval Office,” he added with a chuckle and a lopsided grin.

When asked to explain that last statement, he said, “It’s classified, and I’m not about to declassify it, even though, since I'm president, I've got the power to do anything I darn well please.”

He spoke for nine minutes to a crowd of children bundled up in snowsuits and mittens, and their adoring parents, drawing squeals of delight when he talked about how his presidential library at Southern Methodist University would be “chock-a-block with picture books and crayons.”

He compared the Revolutionary War to the Iraq War, calling them “uprisings against foreign occupiers.” He concluded by saying, “History will be my judge,” adding, with a wink and a twinkle, that his approval ratings would soar “once the news media and the polling outfits are under Uncle Dick’s control.”

Comment:

Can’t believe nobody’s commented on this yet. This is fabulous. Surely I’m not the only one who’s read it. This is A+ top-grade satire. Then again, maybe the U.S. populace has become so used to the fascist dictatorship that the Bushitler regime has turned into (and always was), that they just consider it to be fact and don’t even question it since his unlawful administration has tirelessly worked to make the country just a hollow shell of what it used to be.
Posted by: Repugnicans Are Evil | Email | October 12, 2007